Monday, May 10, 2010

How to Give a Cat a Pill

How to Give a Cat a Pill
This is very appropriate wif Abby being sicky...
Dis iz from a viral email so I dun't nose who to credit...sawry whoever u iz.

1.  Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cats mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.  As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.
Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.


2.  Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.

Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3.  Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4.  Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.
Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.  Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5.  Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse in from the garden.

6.  Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.
Ignore low growls emitted by cat.  Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.  Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7.  Retrieve cat from curtain rail.

Get another pill from foil wrap.  Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.  Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8.  Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw

9.  Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away.  Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10.  Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.
Get another pill.  Open another beer.  Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing.  Force mouth open with dessert spoon.  Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11.  Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.  Drink beer.  Fetch bottle of scotch.  Pour shot, drink.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.  Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.  Toss back another shot.  Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12.  Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road.  Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.

13.  Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table.  Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak.  Be rough about it.  Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14.  Consume remainder of scotch.  Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room.  Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.  Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15.  Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1.  Wrap it in bacon.

2.  Toss it in the air.


  1. Oh, no...wait a minute. Mom's giving me ham in the morning...and some of it looks like it's wrapped around something. Oh, no...

    Sorry to hear your sis is sicky! Hope she's feeling better sooooon.

  2. ha ha ha ha ha dat soooo funny Boris, reminds us of pill antic around here
    Love Petie the Cat

  3. hahaaa!! I love it! One other option; if a happy feral with new home, they just eat the pill, what a dopey sister I have! MOL! Kitty Kitty just eats her pills like its a meal; maybe she a dog? *woofs*

  4. lol this one is as good as the fling them outside one

  5. What a great post. Peeps dread the day they'll have to pill me! HAH!

  6. LOL- our sides are hurting from laughing so much. Your pictures are great too. I'm not quite dat bad bout taking pills, but I do put up a fight!

  7. Gee, that sure is a lot of work! We don't mind it here, pick us up, pop it in!

  8. I love my Pill Pockets treats, especially when they are loaded.

  9. MOL! Hilarious and so very true!

  10. Anonymous12:21 PM

    Gee, I needed a laugh today - THANKS !! Pill time is not a pretty time here.

  11. Mom has tears in her eyes for so much laughing. Great post, MOL!

  12. THat is hilarious! I would do any thing to keep from giving mine a pill!

  13. The bacon trick will work with me but mom had a dog named Skipper that could extract a pill from peanut butter. I aspire to his level. He could eat a McDonald's cheeseburger and leave just the perfectly intact pickle slice on the paper.

    This was hysterical and the pictures were extra fun!